Always with the hotels (Kaz)

[Kazumi O'Connor]

When he told her that he had been thinking the same thing that night she would look back at him a bit surprised. She knew that she had been so uncertain to tell him, but had no clue that he had felt the same way. "You did?" Biting her lower lip as she kept her eyes focused on his. The black remained within them, though it had not worsened, so that was good at least.

She wasn't sure if she was doing better or not, but the more he talked about that night the more of it started to come back. Then, when he told her about what had happened after they made love, about mouthing those words to her, she would blink a bit and bite down a little harder on her lower lip.

She remembered making love to him, a couple times actually, and she remembered how it had felt so good to have that blanket wrapped up around them, to be pressed into his body. She had nuzzled into him, hiding herself against his chest as she let herself just relax, and then she had...."I did the same thing...I was scared that it was too soon, that you would feel pushed into something that you were not ready for...but after everything that had happened that night, I just knew deep down that I loved you....so, when I nuzzled into your chest, so that you couldn't see me very well...I mouthed that I loved you....Because..." She paused trying to recall more of that moment, of that specific memory..."Because I had felt that it just wouldn't be right to let the night pass without saying it....somehow...even if you could not hear me." She turned her eyes back to his then, giving a weak, somewhat shy and nervous little smile. She didn't think it was funny at all, she was just surprised to know that she had not been the only one that night.

[Legion]

"Mmmmhmm" Patrick smiled and nodded as she asked that brief question with that surprised look on her face. Yeah, he had feel the same but he didn't want to push her away. Things between them had been going so well and Patrick had been afraid of mucking in up by saying it so earlier. He didn't know why he had felt that was so quickly, only that he did. Maybe it was because at the time she had already died once and he was frequently in those life or death situations, he wasn't quite sure. While live fast probably played a factor, he really had loved her as well.

As Patrick looked her in the eyes he noticed that while her eyes still had that black in them, the black color hadn't spread any. It was a small victory, but a victory all the same. Patrick would just have to keep reminding her of the good memories.

Patrick smiled as she explained more of how she had felt that night. They had been so similar in there reasons. Patrick agreed softly, "I thought it was too soon to tell ye as well. I don't know, it seemed to fast. I loved ye, but wasn't sure if it was a good time ye know? I knew our lives could get torn apart in an instant, maybe that's why my feelings grew for ye so fast, but they did. And what we had, it was so great, it still is but better, but at the time I was so scared of screwing things up by saying it."

Patrick gave a content sigh, all things said and done now, he didn't think he'd change that night up. It all worked out anyway, "It was a really good night Kazumi. One of many and many more to come."

[Kazumi O'Connor]

As he explained his reasoning behind not telling her she would nod in understanding. She knew exactly how he felt. She wasn't sure that she quite understood how soon it had been in relation to everything, but she knew that it had been rather fast because of how she remembered feeling that night.

Burying her face lightly against his chest she would close her eyes, trying to let her mind wander. It was perhaps not the best thing for her to do, given the fact that her mind was on the verge of slipping, but again, she didn't know that. "I fell in love with you....because in my life, it was the only thing that has ever felt truly right..." She had no clue where that came from and it showed just slightly as she would tense up, almost afraid that she had said something wrong.

Though it wasn't just that. It was the realization, that of all the memories she had, there were likely to be a lot of ones that were lacking, that were empty or that were painful. Still, if the words she had just said were truth, which she knew them in her heart to be, then she was now able to understand why she would not let go of his memory so easily during that time she was strapped in the chair.

"Its hard to explain....because I don't remember much...b..but I just know that from the moment I met you...it has felt......right." She would nibble her lower lip for a moment before pulling back to look up at him, almost questioningly. "Does that make sense? I..I don't know...I mean, it feels right but..." She trailed off and would lower her head to bury it against his chest once more.

She hated this, all the holes in her memory and the uncertainty that they brought about. She wanted so badly to know why she felt the way she did, to know why it was she said the things that she said. She wanted to remember him, every detail of him and to be able to think back on the time they had together and be happy because of it. A little whimper given as she curled into a little ball against him, just wanting to hide away from everything and lose herself in him....It was the most appealing idea because it was the one that made her most comfortable, the one that made her most happy....even now.

[Legion]

Patrick smiled as she nuzzled into his chest, telling him why she fell in love with him. He couldn't help bur smile because even as she tensed up in nervousness, it was true. She had told him the same thing before, just in a different manner. As she tensed up Patrick would wrap an arm around her telling her why he fell in love with her, "I fell in love with ye because ye were kind and caring. Ye haven't given up on me even though I gave ye plenty of reasons to."

Patrick watched her with a smile as she tried to explain the day that they met. It was a story that she had told him a number of times. That things seemed right when they met. That on the day by her mother's pond she gave him a piece of her that he still had. He knew what she was trying to say but couldn't remember. So Patrick nodded at her question, "Yes it did make sense."

As she curled up into a ball in him Patrick would explain softly, "We met on my first day of school back in New York. I remember suggesting ye make some time for yerself, and ye tried to get me to discover myself. I was at the end of my rope and ye wanted to show me some fun things. So ye took me to yer mother's place outside the city. We raced on yer atvs, ye won only because ye were cheating"

Patrick was clearly joking, he figured hell, might as well joke a little to try and lighten the mood, "We ended up making love by yer mother's pond and ye said from then on I had a piece of ye. That ye did all of that because ye saw me and I just looked so lonely that ye wanted to help me. That ye figured that we both could feel like we weren't lonely for a little while. And since that day I always like ye. I pushed ye away from me for a long time because of my life choices, but I always remembered that day where ye were kind to me when no one else would be. That always stuck with me, along with yer perseverance to help me even after I pushed ye away. But yeah, that was another good day, the day we met.

Patrick smiled. That really had been a good day, a good first meeting. It led to the start of a very tumultuous relationship but it ended up alright. They were together now...

[Kazumi O'Connor]

She was glad that he understood what she was trying to say because she sure as hell didn't. Oh, she was sure that it would in time, but as of right now, it just didn't seem possible. Then, as he began to tell her yet another memory, she fell motionless and listened very intently. She wanted to remember, it was just hard. Though that didn't mean she wasn't going to try as hard as she possibly could.

As the story went on, she would smile slightly....apparently she was stubborn. Not that it was very surprising, but yeah, it was still rather nice to know she hadn't backed down or given up when it came to him. Perhaps she was like that on other matters as well? She supposed that was just another thing she was going to have to figure out.

Nuzzling into him, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to just listen to his words and the tone of his voice. Hearing about how he had pushed her away because of the life he had, and finding that a bit confusing, though....lets be honest, what didn't she find confusing right now. So, she let it go. Not wanting to interrupt and just getting back on track with where the story was headed.

Finally when he was done, she would trace a line down his side with her fingers, letting everything process through her mind. She couldn't really remember it, but it was so familiar that she knew it had to be true.....she just had that feeling that told her he wouldn't lie to her, so she could trust him. "I like that one..." Referring of course to the memory that he had just shared with her.

It was such an odd sensation, to hear something about yourself, something you had done in the past, something that held such significance in your life and where you were now......and yet to not remember it from your own point of view. Not that it was entirely bad hearing it from his, but yeah, it just felt strange. "Who is the girl who's picture you had that one night?"

Yes, that was extremely random, but then, her memories were not coming back in any set order. She had just been thinking about his story and suddenly a memory of him being in a room, holding a picture came to mind. She remembered catching a glimpse of it, and she remembered talking to him, having a very important conversation with him....but she just could not remember the details. So, she supposed that there was nothing wrong with asking since he seemed to be willing to tell her anything he could about their past together....Or at least, she hoped she wasn't asking something bad. Again, she had no clue.

[Legion]

As she nuzzled into him, listening to him tell her his memory of their day he smiled. While it was only his version he was trying to tell her what she had told him she felt that day as well. All things considered it was a good memory to him now. While it may have been a painful memory in the weeks and months following the incident, now Patrick could look on that memory and smile. It was no longer a "what could it have been" memory. Now it was part of their story. A vital part too, a good part.

Patrick couldn't help but widen his smile as she told him that she liked the memory. Patrick knew what she said was the truth but he couldn't help but find it cute the way she had said it. Almost like she was picking and choosing the memories she did and didn't want. Not that that was the case, but all the same, there was a certain humor to it, and a degree of cute as well. Patrick smiled warmly as she traced a line down his side.

When she asked him about the girl in the picture, that was a question that made Patrick pause for a moment. Now that was an interesting question to field. How much did he say? More importantly, how did he say it?

"Her name was Zea Heart," Patrick said, electing to just answer the question first, figuring that he'd explain as he went, "She was a former girlfriend I had. She died on the dock that ye found me on that night that we started dating."

"The night ye saw that picture ye were helping me, still are helping me get over the guilt of getting her killed, of failing to saver her," Patrick said, "Yer helping me let go of that. Helping me let go and realize that ye love me and care about me. And slowly I'm learning how to let go, how ye taught me."

[Kazumi O'Connor]

She would pause when he said the name. It registered in her mind, though at the same time it was like something brand new was coming to light as well. She honestly, didn't know how to describe it....but then as if out of nowhere, it hit her..."The fake name you used..." Muttering the words, though she knew that she was right. She didn't know how she knew, she just did.

Blinking a bit to try and be rid of the confusion brought about by her own thoughts and worries she would brush her tongue across her lower lip and allow him to finish explaining who the girl was and what had happened between them the night she remembered seeing the picture. A little nod given here and there, indicating that she was listening, though she said nothing. She was too busy trying to think on it, trying to recall what happened that night exactly and what it was that he was trying to get over.

She got the gist of it, just not the entirety of it which of course only led to more confusion, though she tried her best to avoid showing it. When he was done talking she would lay back, looking up at him, eyes still that same odd mixture of blue and black, a little tilt of her head given as she struggled to figure out exactly what she wanted to say...or more to the point...what she wanted to ask. "And...you are having a hard time letting go?"

She wasn't sure if that was the right thing to be asking, or if it was the right way to phrase it. But she didn't know how else to go about it. She didn't know if he was still hung up on that girl because he loved her or because of what had happened. Yesterday she might have, but right now, it was drawing a complete blank to her. Though, the sudden realization that the false name he had used had been linked to that girl.....well that didn't do much to settle her unease about him potentially being in love with somebody else.

Sure, she was a little insecure right this moment, but then, you couldn't really blame her. She had no memory of anything from her past, and only a few from her time with him. Yes, she had the emotions, but nothing to support them or back them up.....It was easy to be insecure and scared of such simple matters right now...Though she hoped that she wasn't upsetting him. It wasn't her intent, it was just something she felt she had to know.

[Legion]

"Yeah...," Patrick muttered in response to what she had said about the fake name. It was the truth, he had used her surname in his fake name. He couldn't help but feel guilty about it now. Especially when she couldn't remember all the discussions they'd had on this topic. Patrick couldn't help but wonder if this was going to be a sore spot for them right now. He didn't want it to be, but honestly he couldn't really control how things went down right now.

Then she asked that question. If he was having a hard time getting over her. He say the insecurity and fear in her eyes. It was the same thing when they had this conversation. It instantly made him feel guilty, the way she had asked it, the way that she phrased it. Hell, it even made him a little fearful all over again. That even though they had gone through this before that she might not make the same choice that she had back then. The choice to stay with him and help him. Why did he have this fear? Well, he considered the fact that when she had made the choice before she had all her memories of them, the good and the bad, and so it was a more complete decision. Here, she only heard about her stubbornness to help him. There was a chance that it wasn't quite her own yet. With that uncertainty in the mix, Patrick couldn't help but be a little afraid. But he answered her anyways.

"Yeah," Patrick admitted with a sigh but feeling the need to clarify, "I love ye more then anything and I told ye that if she were still alive that I'd pick ye over her. But I still felt... guilty over letting her die. She saved my life and it was my fault she got killed. Because of what I had done, and then I couldn't save her."

Patrick had to pause when he used the word felt. Past tense. He hadn't planned using it in the past tense, it just kind of came out. Now that he had finished he had to think about it, though still very much concerned about what she'd say. But he still kept thinking on why he had used that word. Sure he still felt a little guilty, at least he thought he did, but something felt different about all that stuff. He knew he had done wrong, that it was his fault that she was dead, but he just felt different. He couldn't quite place it though, or why...

[Kazumi O'Connor]

She honestly didn't know what to think. When he agreed that the fake name he had used had been connected to that of the girl, she found herself pulling away just slightly. It wasn't that she was mad, she didn't have it in her to be mad, at least not right now...but it hurt, even though she couldn't tell you why right now.

Though she didn't say anything once she had posed her question. Waiting on him to answer and biting her lower lip softly as she listened to his explanation. It made sense, she guessed...that he would feel some kind of guilt if he thought that he had caused her death. But....did that mean that he loved that girl more? No, it couldn't cause he said he would choose her now..but...was that because she was pregnant? Not really having a sequence of events here and not knowing if his decision to choose her was simply something that came about due to her pregnancy or not....

As he finished, she couldn't help but turn her eyes away, looking down at her hands which now rested upon her stomach, little fingers fidgeting with the blanket as she tried to think over how she felt about all this and about what it all meant. "Is...Is it..." She paused, not sure how she wanted to phrase her question...once again nibbling her lower lip in a rather nervous fashion.

"Do you still l...love her?" She tried to conceal the little whimper that traced her words, but it wasn't exactly easy. But then, that was kinda just a part of who she was, hiding shit was near impossible at times, especially when it came to how she felt. As for the question. Yes, she understood the girl was dead. She got that. But it didn't mean that feelings got erased just like that....It didn't mean that anyone else could ever compare.

[Legion]

When she pulled away from him, after he had answered her question about the fake name it hurt. Patrick knew that it shouldn't, not since he knew why she wouldn't know that. Ever since they had been in a relationship she had known his real name. And while he had used her surname, when he had taken it up, he was still deeply grieving the girl. Hell, it had only been a month or two after he had gotten out of his own torture session. At the time he had needed to blow town and needed a knew name. It was when he had first started seeing Zea as a ghost heavily as well. Even before this he hadn't told her that, so how would she know it now? Still though, it hurt and didn't exactly help his fear that she would leave him when she didn't remember everything else.

Her turning her eyes away hurt too, especially after his story. It caused him to glance downward. Feeling more and more like rejection was looming. And to be honest it scared him. The fact that he had just pulled her out of that torture in the room didn't really help either. Not that it should make her love him, no that's not why. It was just this feeling that after going through all that, he was going to lose her to lack of memories. But then that thought was it. The one that pulled him out of his fear. She had been getting them back. Slowly as the night went on. That was it. Even if she didn't get everything back now, she would. Sure, the ordering was probably what was killing him but when she did get them back that would change everything right? Yeah, that's what he had to believe.

When she asked him that question Patrick sighed. He honestly had/wanted to think about it. His feelings on the whole situation had been changing. He had been beginning to let go. Patrick wanted to give her an honest assessment of what his feeling on that right now were, not just whatever he could throw out there, even if it was stronger then what he actually felt, "There are feelings about her, but I don't think it's love. Not anymore. When we last talked about it, there were still lingering unresolved feelings. I think it was because they were unresolved was why I still felt that way about her. But I told ye then I love ye more now then I ever did her. That's still true. But do I love her now? I honestly don't know. Something's just changed and I honestly cant tell ye what it is. But I don't love her any more then I may have say a week ago. Things are different now on that, like it just changed, I can't tell how though."

Patrick would pause before briefly saying, "I'm sorry I don't know if that made any sense, or was what ye were expecting."

[Kazumi O'Connor]

She was ready to hear that he still loved the other girl. She had pretty much told herself to be ready for that. But when he said that there were still feelings concerning her, it hurt....a lot. She didn't understand why, but it did and as a result she was forced to blink back a few tears trying her hardest not to let it show but failing miserably.

As he continued to try and explain himself, her fingers would twist up within the blanket rather firmly, she was nervous and she was scared. She didn't understand why she felt this way, nor did she understand how she was supposed to react to this. It was hard to really tell given she didn't have the memories to back it up. Still, she let him finish speaking, wanting to know how he felt and struggling to understand what he was saying.

When he said that he had told her then that he loved her more, she felt a tiny bit of relief in knowing that it had come before the pregnancy thing came into play, but that did not mean that she was completely over the fact that he still had unresolved feelings for this girl. Though, when he finished she would give a little nod and stay silent. She had to think on what she wanted to say here. It would not have done her any good to just rattle off something right now without thinking about it first. So, even though the silence drug on and likely made the situation that much more uncomfortable, she would not break it until she was ready.

Finally, with a little sigh, she would nod once more, her fingers uncurling from the blanket as she brushed her tongue along her lower lip to try and compose herself. "I..I guess I cannot ask you to forget your past like that...or her...And, she was important to you at one time...So it would be selfish to ask you to forget her.....I mean, I wouldn't want somebody to ask you to forget about me...."

She paused, biting her lip, not sure if she was making sense, not sure if this was "like her" or if it was something brought about by the memory loss she suffered. "B..But...It just...scares me right now because I ...I dont remember so many things. I just know that it hurts....to think that you still have strong feelings for her when, well when we have so much going on between us...." Yeah, she didn't know how to explain it. At least not with words. Not right now.

So, she did the only thing she knew to do at the moment, she went with what felt right. Rolling onto her side, she would scoot back just enough that her back pressed into him, the back of her head nuzzling into him slightly as she reached back and grasped his hand, pulling it around her and pressing it to her lower abdomen over where their baby now grew inside of her. From there, she didn't say anything, just nestled her body into the curve of his own and her hand atop his on her stomach.....hoping that it would say enough about how she felt in that moment.

She wasn't going anywhere, because she understood that she couldn't make a very informed decision over anything without her memories. It wouldn't make sense, wouldn't be the smart thing to do. Closing her eyes, she would let out a sigh, still trying to think of something, anything, that she could say to sum up how she felt....finally, just deciding to go with the first thought that popped in her head. "I fought against an overdose of drugs, a crazy man, and that thing strapped to my head just to keep a fragment of my memories about you....just so I wouldn't lose you...because it hurt far too much to ever explain properly....So, I am not going to lose you to a memory." Nodding, rather determined in her convictions here. Stubbornness apparently something that even the mad scientist doctor couldn't erase from her.

[Legion]

Patrick frowned when he saw the tears rolling down from her face. He hated that, hated this. Yeah, he was scared of losing her and that was the truth, but this hurt more then that. Patrick hated knowing that he was causing her pain. Pain because of his past. And that made him want to be able to let go of the past that much more. He was ready, but like he had come to the conclusion last time, he couldn't not yet. Though tonight that feeling seemed different. Feeling like the time where he could let go was getting closer.

When she began to speak Patrick would listen closely, as if his life depended on it. Even though the first part of what she said, he had heart before Patrick listened all the same. But at the same time he wondered if it would be better to just forget her? The answer he realized quite quickly was no. If he forgot her he'd be forgetting about life lessons he had learned from that experience. Then she would have died for absolutely nothing. As hard as it was Patrick would have to remember, he'd just have to find a balance. Too keep the memories as memories, and not where he lived his life.

But when she continued on, Patrick couldn't help but wince. Like he had already thought, hurting her was not something he wanted. It hurt him to think that he was hurting her. But all the same Patrick felt the need to speak up, to let her know, "I'm so sorry I'm hurting ye, but I want ye to know, I've been trying really hard to keep the past in the past. I think I've been making progress on living in the present but yeah. I'm really sorry I'm hurting ye. I love ye so much and don't want to be doing this with ye."

When she rolled over and scooted into him, Patrick doubted she knew just how much it relieved him. To feel her close to him. To feel her back pressing into his chest and her head nuzzling into him, feeling her hair on his chin. Patrick gave a weak smile as she pressed his hand to her stomach, where their child rest. Patrick moved into curl up into her as well, feeling more at ease. Knowing that she wouldn't be leaving him, at least not yet. He wasn't completely at ease yet, but he was getting there.

What brought Patrick to a more complete sense of ease, at least in the sense that she wouldn't be leaving him just yet. But when she spoke, about how hard she fought to hold on to his memory. He felt at ease. That she wouldn't lose him to a memory. Patrick gave a relieved sigh, "Ye won't lose me to a memory Kazumi. I won't let my mistakes define me."

[Kazumi O'Connor]

She wasn't blind to the fear that was in his eyes, and she hated to cause that, but right now it wasn't something she could exactly help. Still when he spoke she would look up at him and continue to bite upon her lower lip softly, listening intently to what he had to say and giving a weak little nod in response.

It was comforting to hear that he loved her, more than he could know right this moment, yet it still did not ease her fears of losing him to something she could not fight against. However, she would finish what she had to say and then press herself into him. Once more listening as he began to speak. A weak smile curling onto her lips as she nuzzled back into him once more, feeling him curl against her and only adding to that security that she currently felt. "I know you don't mean to hurt me....and I wish I could say that I will be fine, but I don't know. I really don't know right now." She spoke softly, lightly purring the words to him in order to reassure him that she was not going anywhere and that despite the fact that the idea hurt, she was okay.

Yawning softly, she would curl up just a bit more, making sure to tug the blanket up around her as she did so and to keep herself pressed firmly back against him. She enjoyed this, just laying here with him, feeling his chest against her back and feeling his hand upon her stomach. It was soothing in a way she didn't think anything else could match. That final reassurance of his getting a little nod from her. "I am glad baby....I know you can do this...I believe in you and know you are more than all the bad things you think you are." She may not have known she remembered some stuff, but she did and whatever it was had clued her into his self doubts and worries. Enough so that she was able to say such things with complete and utter confidence in her words and in him.

Another small yawn passing her lips, she would shiver a bit, feeling that sense of cold hitting her again as she tensed up and gave a slight whimper of pain, her stomach cramping and a dull throb once more starting up in her head. She hated this, the constant shift between feeling good and feeling like she was sick. She knew that it had to be the drugs, because being pregnant couldn't be this bad, but that didn't make it any more pleasant. Burying herself into the blanket and against him a bit more she would struggle to get warm as she felt her body temperature starting to increase. Not a pleasant sensation in the slightest, though one she chose not to speak up on, just try and get through on her own....for now at least.

[Legion]

Those words she purred to him. The tone was reassuring, but the words weren't. Patrick wanted her to be fine, he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want his past fucking things up. So badly he wanted that. For now he would have to settle with the assurance that she was not going any where. As she pulled the blanket up, remaining firmly pressed against him Patrick couldn't help but sighing. Even through all of this, all of this turmoil and inner conflict they seemed to be going through, this still felt good. It still felt good holding her in his arms, perhaps doubly more so now that they had a child on the way.

"Thanks for believing in me love," Patrick would say in reply. He meant it too. He appreciated that she believed in him, even if he himself didn't always. The belief in him pushing him on to do better. To actually go about changing himself for the better.

Patrick would frown at her shiver and whimper of pain. He could only assume that it was still the drugs that were effecting her. Sadly there was nothing he could really do for her, other then treat the symptoms and let the drugs work their way out of her body. That was really the only option that they had here. Patrick would rub her stomach, whispering softly, "Ye should try and get some sleep, I'm sure if ye do ye'll start to feel better."

[Kazumi O'Connor]

She would feel his hand rubbing her stomach softly and a little sigh would escape her, though to his words she just nodded. "We all need somebody to believe in us....Right?" A little, weak smile once more given before she would close her eyes.

She didn't have to say much to show that she agreed with him about the going to sleep thing, seeing as how she was barely managing to keep herself awake as it were. Yawning once more, even as her body began to tremble a bit more heavily, she would weakly usher out the words "I love you..." ...before quickly drifting off to sleep. Not that sleep was going to be any easier on her.

Nope, instead of simply resting comfortably, her rest was rather unsettling and feverish. Her body temperature rising to the point that she was rather hot to the touch, her muscles seeming to tense off and on as she would groan and shift about, struggling to find some form of comfort in her sleep. Her dreams, a mixed, hazy form of feverish images that made no sense, even though some of them were bound to be random memories trying to work their way to the surface.

This time however, she would not wake up an hour or two later...instead managing to stay out the entire night and most of the next day. Sure, she woke up here and there, but only for a few moments at a time and never enough to really realize she was awake. Sweat at one point covering her entire form to the point that she was soaked in it, hair plastered to her face and neck, breathing labored and heavy.

No, Kazumi would not really wake up again until the point where the drugs had fully worked their way out of her system. Making for a very long couple of days to say the least.